Here's what I have a problem with: You can't approach me from behind and make me believe that you're really interested in me, as in me, Mojoyinola as a person. I'm not gullible.
That said, I would like to know what gives men the audacity to stare at a part of your body. Like I find myself walking with my eyes to the floor, not because I'm shy, but because I don't want to lock eyes with the person who's staring at me! Isn't that frustrating?! Gone are the days when people would look away quickly so as not to be caught staring. Now, it's like they're waiting for you to catch them staring so that they can give you that 'blink', that they think is a wink, expecting you to smile.
On Saturday, a guy at my church, 'heysssss-ed' and 'sss-ed' me for like 5 mins. I was the only person in close proximity, so I knew he was trying to get my attention. I ignored him. After a while, our eyes met, unfortunately, and he wove his hand asking me to come. I only went because I couldn't shout the scolding I had for him over the loud music. He did all that to ask me if I worshipped there. I was furious! I gave him a piece of my mind, telling him that if he wanted to ask me a question he should have walked over to me, just the way I walked over to him since I had something to say. Of course he apologized.
I know that what I am about to say is not a fair generalization, but Nigerian men are on something that makes them believe that all women (wife or girlfriend or acquaintance) should be at their beck and call. Once again, I know I should have said 'some' Nigerian men... I apologize if I step on some toes, but in the five plus months that I've been in Nigeria, I can count the number of guys I've met (i.e. who haven't known me before), who have treated me with the same amount/kind of respect they give to 'the guys', on one hand. The idea you have in your head, that we're cool, or almost cool, doesn't give you the green light to tell me that you like my assets. I don't know you like that, OK?
I guess there's an amount of control that women have that men know absolutely nothing about. I am not saying that I haven't looked at a good looking guy before, God knows I have. The difference is that I know that 'staring is still rude'. Some men need to be reminded.
The moral lesson is that there are some fundamental things that I can't overlook. Doesn't matter how sleek your car is, or how tall you are (I love tall men), if you can't respect me, for who I am, hit the road Jack!
M.A.
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Fair generalization or not, the fact remains that for most Nigerian men, the claim is true. Its good you told him off. I would have asked him why he chose to demonstrate to me that he indeed left his manners in his village.
ReplyDeleteAlright take a deep breathe..
ReplyDeleteDude got told.. I guess some guys never learn..
But then it's probably worked for him in the past so he'll be thinking "why fix it if it ain't broke?"
preach it sis. i dont even bother looking when helloed or eyssed as u said. any guy who does that aint worht my tym in d first place.
ReplyDeletehehehe babe your funny!
ReplyDeleteSome Naija guys are just dunce!! how can they be hisssing nonsense!
The staring thing , to be honest depends who is staring ..the manner I look back at you should tell you whether you should stop staring or not ...
well men have their own way of approaching women. Anyway they do it they see nothing wrong with it obviously cos they do it. They have never had the right person to teach/tell them how "us" women like to be treat.
ReplyDeleteYou know I hate when a man says "hey you" or "psst" that pissed me off. I just keep it moving.
lol...hmmmmn!!!! me I am totally loving the feisty nonsense approach of this your alter ego n hence the blog oh...NICE!
ReplyDeleteI feel ur ryt on all counts though...keep it comin!
Wow. Always hold your ground, and that's what you did. Cool!
ReplyDeleteHmmm, in summary; men know not subtlety. No,that is not it; men have no courtesy.
ReplyDeleteStill does not nail it; men have no respect.
Yeah, respect is more like it. A 'man' that has no 'respect' will not dignify a woman, hence, he can "'heysssss-ed' and 'sss-ed'" her.
Unfortunate, i daresay.
Girl you are too funny!
ReplyDeleteIf Nigerian men expect women to be at their beck and call, its becos sisters taught them that way!
Never cross over to talk to any man, even if he is tall, dark and handsome.
Men are born hunters, if he cant cross over to you, then he's not man enough period!
Real men knows the rules of the game, boys are still in training. Lol
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ReplyDeleteYou do have a point... but as a guy, I can't help but feel a trifle slighted.
ReplyDeleteA man can stare all he wants... rude & maybe a tad disrespectful, yes but you cannot control his eyes, neither can the law. What you can control however, is your response & staring down at your feet or up at the tom-tom signpost beside the zebra crossing is hardly the kind of response that will discourage the lingering stares...
In a nutshell, nobody can make you feel inferior, uncomfy or ill-at-ease without your consent!