Not my type.

Here's what I have a problem with: You can't approach me from behind and make me believe that you're really interested in me, as in me, Mojoyinola as a person. I'm not gullible.

That said, I would like to know what gives men the audacity to stare at a part of your body. Like I find myself walking with my eyes to the floor, not because I'm shy, but because I don't want to lock eyes with the person who's staring at me! Isn't that frustrating?! Gone are the days when people would look away quickly so as not to be caught staring. Now, it's like they're waiting for you to catch them staring so that they can give you that 'blink', that they think is a wink, expecting you to smile.

On Saturday, a guy at my church, 'heysssss-ed' and 'sss-ed' me for like 5 mins. I was the only person in close proximity, so I knew he was trying to get my attention. I ignored him. After a while, our eyes met, unfortunately, and he wove his hand asking me to come. I only went because I couldn't shout the scolding I had for him over the loud music. He did all that to ask me if I worshipped there. I was furious! I gave him a piece of my mind, telling him that if he wanted to ask me a question he should have walked over to me, just the way I walked over to him since I had something to say. Of course he apologized.

I know that what I am about to say is not a fair generalization, but Nigerian men are on something that makes them believe that all women (wife or girlfriend or acquaintance) should be at their beck and call. Once again, I know I should have said 'some' Nigerian men... I apologize if I step on some toes, but in the five plus months that I've been in Nigeria, I can count the number of guys I've met (i.e. who haven't known me before), who have treated me with the same amount/kind of respect they give to 'the guys', on one hand. The idea you have in your head, that we're cool, or almost cool, doesn't give you the green light to tell me that you like my assets. I don't know you like that, OK?

I guess there's an amount of control that women have that men know absolutely nothing about. I am not saying that I haven't looked at a good looking guy before, God knows I have. The difference is that I know that 'staring is still rude'. Some men need to be reminded.

The moral lesson is that there are some fundamental things that I can't overlook. Doesn't matter how sleek your car is, or how tall you are (I love tall men), if you can't respect me, for who I am, hit the road Jack!

M.A.

Friends of Exes

I am on Google Chat with a high school friend who became a boyfriend and then an ex-boyfriend.

We have been going back and forth about remaining friends, or like he puts it, going back to the way we were before the relationship even came into play.

I am really close friends with other people I've dated before, but to the honest, it's proving kind of difficult with this guy. First, he had issues with us breaking up (I called it), and he expressed those issues to some of our mutual friends. I eventually got wind of being in his black books. Etc.

Here are my issues:

1. I'm supposed to date my friend. That's what the Mothers have always told us. How long should this friendship have been? How close should we be, as friends? Are we supposed to consider the possibility of a break-up in the long run? Do we discuss what happens and how we are to repair our friendship if we do break-up?
2. Depending on who calls the break-up, if the other person is trying very hard to make sure that the friendship is rebuilt, could the 'break-up-er' feel like they're pressing to get back together, and take offense? Or put up a guard?
3. After the YEARS of healing (or whatever you want to call it), when we become friends, and start feeling overly comfy with each other, can we honestly say that we are true friends, or are we just pretending, and letting each other believe that we're cool?
4. If they we don't see each other again for like (lemme calculate)... 6yrs, when we do see again, what should be the first reaction?

Just a brief thought.

M.A.

Introduction

I find that anonymity helps me express all the things that the world and its expectation of me makes me hold back.

I have to start this off by saying that I am not, not bold (i.e. I AM bold).

I was going to keep writing through my publicist, but I believe this is a good point to start.

A lot of the things that I write may be offensive, especially to people who don't understand where I'm coming from. Please don't take it personal.

Thank you.