The Irregularities of the Housemaid Business

In the last few months, my mother has changed housemaids about 6 times. Almost each one of them gave a 'My mother is sick/has died' explanation for leaving. I thought it was very weird; and then recently, I got a clearer picture of the entire process.

This housemaid business is human/child trafficking, plain and simple.

From what I understand, there are 'agents' who bring the children from their villages to the urban cities where they'll find work; for example, the one in our house right now came from Benue state. The agent may bring in about 10 people at the same time, and for each person, he/she collects about N8, 000.00 as transportation money. I wouldn't feel too bad if that was all the agent made away with.

The agent then stipulates that he/she collects all the money that the maid makes every month. That's not all - after about two or three months when they've made about N29, 000.00 on each child, the agent coaches the help/maid to tell his/her madam about the ailing or dead mother, so he/she can leave. Then, they start the process again with another unsuspecting madam.

This is pure exploitation, especially for the maid involved. The poor child who is in all this, probably makes less that N5, 000.00 for all the trouble. How unstabling it is to try to get used to so many different households in just one year!

Let me tell you a short story. We had a girl who was with us for about two years (this was a very long time ago; no one has stayed longer than six months of late). After a few months, my parents started sending her to school. She could speak maybe two words of English when she arrived; she was reading and writing when she left. She grew to trust out family, and explained the situation with her agent - he wouldn't give her any of the money she made. So, my mum stopped giving her income to the agent. You know what happened? He came in one day and took her away forcefully. Want to know what she was doing the last time we checked? - Prostitution.

I'm writing this to alert everyone of the scheming ways of most of these people who provide maids for us. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a maid. Not all families have stay home mums these days; it's good to have some help as long as your treating them right (but the maid shouldn't become a child's mother if you know what I mean). Plus, giving job opportunities to people who would not be considered in corporate Nigeria is a great thing.

I don't know exactly what can be done to help the maids - Open bank accounts for them to save their income? Say no to the agent who wants to collect their money every month? Report them to the authorities?

Maybe someone reading this has an idea. Please share.

Operation 'Belt the Child'

Ok, I'm not campaigning for flogging children. This Campaign is for the benefit of children actually.

I am very disturbed when I see children dancing around in the front seat of a car; and when I say dancing, I mean that the car is throwing them around because the roads are so bad. I'm often tempted to stop the driver franctically, and ask them to strap the child. I've heard of too many accidents where the car stopped all of a sudden, and the person in the passenger seat flew right out the windscreen. (God forbid).

While, we continue to pray for God's protection, we have to be wise as well. So, I have made up my mind - I will always stop the driver of the car when I see a child dancing around in the passenger seat, and ask them to wear the child a seatbelt. I applaud the efforts of the Government in enforcing seat belts, but we know how ineffective it is. The best way to get someone not to do something, is to force them to do it. Nigerians mostly wear seatbelts, because the Government says so. Not many people understand the safety benefits.

I know how difficult it is to make a child sit still, but it may help if you paint the gory picture of an accident to the child and it's parents, and help them understand, that you're stopping them for their own good. I'm guessing that child car seats are not enforced maybe because they're not very common or kinda expensive. Whatever the case, something need to be done...

While no one holds the power of life and death but God, we can help avoid unnecessary losses by being smart. Let's do something good.

Are you with me?

Babe 'Toasting' 101

Some thing that a guy should take in consideration. Many of these are stereotypical...

1. Examine the territory: A woman speaks through her face. Before you get close enough, you can already tell from her expression, whether or not the reception will be 'warm'. Be wise.
2. Signs of the Times: You have to take another class to understand the mannerisms of women. However, when you're driving down Ahmadu Bello Way and you stop a girl in the middle of the road to talk to her, the fact that she stops to listen to you doesn't mean she's about to 'gel'. She's only stopping to abuse you for holding up traffic. Just an example...
3. Analyze and Strategize: (This is a bonus) You need to have planned your move(s) before hand. It's like writing a business plan, you have to know your strategy for all the 'what if' situations. What if she bones me? (Do you have a way to get out of the arena without being embarrased?) What if she smiles? (Have you practised your lines?) What if she gets violent and pushes me? (I hope you're not next to one of those Adeola Odeku gutters!). Like the Boys Scouts say - BE PREPARED!
4. Location! Location!! Location!!!: Somewhere in the middle of The Palms, YES. While she's buying credit from a hawker on Kingsway Road, MAYBE. While she's crossing the road, NO. While she's buying underwear at Balogun, ARE YOU CRAZY?!
5. Stereotype Mania: Women don't always need to hear a foreign accent; don't fake one. Women are not always 'tripped' by your wealth; don't tell stories of cars in your garage at home while you're hopping off an okada (which you claim is simply to help you 'beat traffic'). Women are not crying to be 'taken care of'; don't even hint at it.
6. The Home Run: If you've been succesful so far, better plan not to screw it up with the pick-up line. Some are outdated - 'Your face is familiar'. Some are just cheesy - 'Are you tired? 'Cause you've been running through my mind'. Some would earn you a slap - 'That ass men, where did you get that from?'

Happy 'Toasting'.

M.A.

Not my type.

Here's what I have a problem with: You can't approach me from behind and make me believe that you're really interested in me, as in me, Mojoyinola as a person. I'm not gullible.

That said, I would like to know what gives men the audacity to stare at a part of your body. Like I find myself walking with my eyes to the floor, not because I'm shy, but because I don't want to lock eyes with the person who's staring at me! Isn't that frustrating?! Gone are the days when people would look away quickly so as not to be caught staring. Now, it's like they're waiting for you to catch them staring so that they can give you that 'blink', that they think is a wink, expecting you to smile.

On Saturday, a guy at my church, 'heysssss-ed' and 'sss-ed' me for like 5 mins. I was the only person in close proximity, so I knew he was trying to get my attention. I ignored him. After a while, our eyes met, unfortunately, and he wove his hand asking me to come. I only went because I couldn't shout the scolding I had for him over the loud music. He did all that to ask me if I worshipped there. I was furious! I gave him a piece of my mind, telling him that if he wanted to ask me a question he should have walked over to me, just the way I walked over to him since I had something to say. Of course he apologized.

I know that what I am about to say is not a fair generalization, but Nigerian men are on something that makes them believe that all women (wife or girlfriend or acquaintance) should be at their beck and call. Once again, I know I should have said 'some' Nigerian men... I apologize if I step on some toes, but in the five plus months that I've been in Nigeria, I can count the number of guys I've met (i.e. who haven't known me before), who have treated me with the same amount/kind of respect they give to 'the guys', on one hand. The idea you have in your head, that we're cool, or almost cool, doesn't give you the green light to tell me that you like my assets. I don't know you like that, OK?

I guess there's an amount of control that women have that men know absolutely nothing about. I am not saying that I haven't looked at a good looking guy before, God knows I have. The difference is that I know that 'staring is still rude'. Some men need to be reminded.

The moral lesson is that there are some fundamental things that I can't overlook. Doesn't matter how sleek your car is, or how tall you are (I love tall men), if you can't respect me, for who I am, hit the road Jack!

M.A.

Friends of Exes

I am on Google Chat with a high school friend who became a boyfriend and then an ex-boyfriend.

We have been going back and forth about remaining friends, or like he puts it, going back to the way we were before the relationship even came into play.

I am really close friends with other people I've dated before, but to the honest, it's proving kind of difficult with this guy. First, he had issues with us breaking up (I called it), and he expressed those issues to some of our mutual friends. I eventually got wind of being in his black books. Etc.

Here are my issues:

1. I'm supposed to date my friend. That's what the Mothers have always told us. How long should this friendship have been? How close should we be, as friends? Are we supposed to consider the possibility of a break-up in the long run? Do we discuss what happens and how we are to repair our friendship if we do break-up?
2. Depending on who calls the break-up, if the other person is trying very hard to make sure that the friendship is rebuilt, could the 'break-up-er' feel like they're pressing to get back together, and take offense? Or put up a guard?
3. After the YEARS of healing (or whatever you want to call it), when we become friends, and start feeling overly comfy with each other, can we honestly say that we are true friends, or are we just pretending, and letting each other believe that we're cool?
4. If they we don't see each other again for like (lemme calculate)... 6yrs, when we do see again, what should be the first reaction?

Just a brief thought.

M.A.

Introduction

I find that anonymity helps me express all the things that the world and its expectation of me makes me hold back.

I have to start this off by saying that I am not, not bold (i.e. I AM bold).

I was going to keep writing through my publicist, but I believe this is a good point to start.

A lot of the things that I write may be offensive, especially to people who don't understand where I'm coming from. Please don't take it personal.

Thank you.